


zelos - Arc II

by Myka



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2003-04-12
Updated: 2003-04-12
Packaged: 2017-11-05 12:27:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myka/pseuds/Myka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Italics = thoughts {words} = mental speech</p></blockquote>





	1. changes

Today is Friday… I love Fridays. I can go out on Fridays.

It came as an ultimatum. There is a limit to how much one can take when being confined to the same space over a long period of time. Six months was my limit… And Schuldig's too.

We went on a boycott and demanded that Kritiker let us out of the Koneko. Either they'd tell us where we could go or we would escape and go wherever we wanted. Part of their resistance came because they didn't trust him. Even after all that had happened; even after Esset had sent assassins after him, even after he had told Kritiker everything he knew… Which wasn't much by the way; most of it Kritiker had already dug up by themselves, even the location of Rosenkreuz.

Even after all that, they still didn't trust him. Something that made me very angry and more than a little bit resentful towards Kritiker.

But that doesn't matter right now. Today is Friday.

"Schu, are you ready yet?" I asked as I tapped my fingers gently against the bathroom door.

"Shut your pipehole!"

I frowned. "Well, if that's your attitude you can stay here alone for all I care!"

Those were the magic words. I heard the bathroom door open. "And how much fun do you think you'll have without me?" Schuldig asked as he slumped against the door frame.

My mouth fell open as all sorts of really naughty thoughts ran through my head. The fishnet shirt, that's what did it. That evil, evil, I-want-to-tear-it-to-pieces shirt.

"Ooh, such thoughts Yohji. Anyone would think you're a pervert," Schuldig remarked with a grin on his face.

I closed the space between us with three quick steps and latched my mouth to his as I pulled him towards me. The kiss was fiery, deeper than lust; deeper than love. He was mine…and I was his.

Just as simple as that.

"You seem to be in a good mood tonight," he said with a purr to his voice.

A mischievous smile formed on my face, then I kissed him again. "Ready to turn up some heads?" I asked.

He smirked and only I knew what that smirk meant. "Absolutely."

The club was packed – just the way we liked it.

We found a nice spot in a semi-dark corner and ordered a few drinks as we sat down. Every once in a while our arms would brush against each other, causing goosebumps to run up my arm. Every so often a girl would come up to us and ask for a dance; one which we would decline, sharing a smirk with each other and simply saying.

"We're taken."

Most girls left, others would look at us strangely, which was something we always laughed about.

At one point Schuldig grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. "I'll be right back Yotan," he whispered in my ear. "I want to dance when I get back," he added, biting my ear. He rose from the chair and I followed him with my eyes as he left.

He was really, really mine.

"Hey honey hair."

_"Honey hair? What the hell?"_

I turned to my side where Schuldig had been sitting to find a guy slightly older than me. "Buzz off," I said without even thinking. An arm suddenly fell over my shoulders and I shook it off instantly. The guy was obviously drunk. "I said buzz off," I repeated with a tinge of annoyance in my voice.

"C'mon honey hair, I saw you and the redhead and you're exactly my type." I ignored him and suddenly he fell upon me and actually started touching me! "Get off!" I screamed as I tried to push him away which was no easy task since the guy was almost twice my size in pure muscle. The noise from the dance floor muffled my voice and not even the people close to me noticed that something was up. Now the little dark corner that Schu and I had found didn't seem so nice anymore.

"Let go of me!" I screamed again.

I forced myself out of his grip and was about to slam my elbow against his stomach when the creep suddenly disappeared from my side. I stared blatantly as Schuldig pulled the brute by his hair and forced him away from me.

"If I ever see you as much as ten feet away from my Yohji again, I will not only kill you; but I will chop you up and mail you to your mother. Is that clear?" I could feel the threat in his voice, a very real threat indeed. He meant the words.

The guy shook his head and scrambled away quickly. Schuldig sneered at him as he left and I suddenly felt… angry.

Schuldig put his arm on top of mine and I shook it off immediately as I glared at him. His face showed confusion from my actions.

"Yotan…"

I glared still. "I can take care of myself, Schu. I'm not some girlfriend you have to protect."

He crossed his arms in defiance to my words. "Well excuse me, but I think I have a right to be possessive when someone else lays their hands on my lover."

"You know that's not what I meant Schu."

He suddenly grinned and wrapped his arms around my neck as he snuggled closer to me. "C'mon Yohji," he purred in my ear. "You can't be mad at me forever." I closed my eyes at the tempting words. I hated it when he did this, hated it. It was manipulative and wrong and made me squirm in all the right places.

Suddenly a new track started playing at the dance floor and Schuldig and I both blinked as we recognized the song. Then he grinned even wider. "Wanna dance Yotan?" he spoke softly in my ear. I shivered for a moment before returning his gaze, giving in to those emeralds I smiled.

"Yeah."

My hand was suddenly in his and I was dragged out on the floor by my lover. We both loved this song; it was sort of our song; the first song we dance to and kissed to.

The anger I had felt before melted as I pulled Schuldig closer to me. I kissed him briefly and he smiled.

Friday is definitely my favorite day of the week.


	2. restless

Everything started to fall apart on a Tuesday.

Schuldig and I were tending to the shop since it was our turn. It had been only a month since we started doing this on a regular basis instead of spur-of-the-moment-shifts; and only on Tuesday afternoons. Kritiker again, they said they had to take "precautions"; whatever that meant. We hadn't heard nor seen any traces of Esset since that night. Aya, Omi and Ken had the day off. It was the only free day for them.

Did I mention that the Koneko is a tomb on Tuesdays? So far we've only had four customers; three high school girls a little after four pm and a lady just half an hour ago. Ever since we started taking this shift my lover had seemed to gain a fan club of his own. Something that didn't bothered me at all as long as the girls kept their hands off him.

There were no arrangements to be done, everything looked good… I was bored… very bored. Spraying flowers was not a good source of entertainment and at the rate things were going I was going to end up jumping on my lover when he least expected it.

Suddenly there was a crash followed by a curse and I turned around to find Schuldig cleaning up the vase he'd just broken.

"Need any help?" I asked. He didn't reply, he didn't even look my way. I went back to spraying the flowers until I heard another loud crash. I turned around again to find another vase had been shattered. I knew it hadn't been an accident, but I didn't even have the chance to scold him.

"I can't take this anymore!"

That caught me off guard. "Can't take what anymore?"

"This!" Schuldig yelled out in frustration. "I can't take living like a freaking bird in a cage!"

I went towards him and tried to touch him but he brushed me off. We rarely fought, but when we did, the fights were spectacular. I hated fighting with my lover and I was going to do everything in my power to avoid that. "What do you want me to do Schu?"

He stared at me for a while without saying a word. Then he spoke. "Let's leave."

"What?"

"Let's leave Japan!" he said again with more determination.

I just blinked at him. "And where would we go?"

"America, Brazil, Italy! Anywhere! I don't care!"

I thought for a bit. "Why now?"

He placed his hands on top of the counter and slumped his head downwards. His voice was very low. "Because I can't take it anymore." I went to him slowly, taken aback by his words and change in attitude. I encircled him in my arms and this time he accepted the touch as he pressed his face against my collarbone and spoke again. "They all hate me you know... Or at least resent me."

"They don't hate you." I reassured him.

"They do. You can't hear their thoughts."

"I never thought you to be the type to be bothered by what others thought of you."

He sighed against my skin. "I don't care, but after six months of hearing the same rubbish, it gets to you."

I kissed him on the side of his head, then on his lips. "I love you."

I know I should say it more often. That I love him… because I really do love him. "And I think you're right."

He blinked. "I am?"

"Yeah."

I saw him scowl. "Well that was easy! I thought you'd put more of a fight."

"Does that mean you've wanted to say this for a long time?" I asked as I snuggled to him, pressing our noses together. He instantly went red.

"Yohji!" He squirmed from my grasp. He'd once told me he hated the cutesy stuff, it took me a while to discover that it was because he always blushed when I did it. This side of him was so rare… I loved it. That meant I did it as long as I could get away with it. Trust me; an angry Schuldig is not a good thing… And it also meant no sex for a week.

I let a soft laugh roll out of my mouth which instantly received an emerald glare. I kissed him again and afterwards he just looked at me suspiciously. "I'll think of something ok?"

He grinned at me and I recognized it, it wasn't a grin at all.

"Ja."

It was twenty minutes before we closed the shop and I was starving.

"You're not the only one lover."

I looked up at Schuldig slightly annoyed. "Ken was supposed to be here hours ago with some food!" I scowled. Taking a deep breath I glanced towards the street through the shop's windows. They had been recently tainted over so we could look out, but nobody could look in. The street was practically empty, just a few people on their way home. An idea started to form in my head, a crazy one. It would take fifteen minutes tops, but what if they'd found out? Somehow I couldn't find it in my heart to worry; the result of months of imprisonment.

I rushed to the backroom and got my jacket, then walked up towards the entrance as Schuldig followed my every move with his gaze. "I'm going out to get us some food." I announced clearly.

He blinked instantly. "You can't go out! What if they see you?" He yelled out.

"Who's going to see me? It's been six months already and if one of the guys find out they'll understand!"

"But Yohji!" I ignored my lover and walked out the door as I heard his last protests. "Why do you get to get out of this hellhole? Oi! Yohji!"

I smirked slightly at his last words as I made my way down the block. The restaurant I was going to was just two blocks away from the Koneko. Five minutes to go, five minutes to order and five minutes to return. The perfect plan.

I arrived at my destination with no problems at all. The girl at the cash register smiled at me as she took my order of two ramen bowls. After paying I rested my arms on top of the counter as I waited for the food.

Three minutes to go.

"Balinese?"

I blinked at my codename. Dammit. I've been caught. I quickly thought of an excuse as I started to turn around and face the music.

My heart skipped a beat and my eyes went wide.

"Naoe Nagi? … Prodigy?"

Out of all the coincidences in the world… Oh, crap…

He opened his mouth. "You're alive?"

I blinked, unable to offer a response.

"But they told us… I saw…" he stammered. I kept staring at him, trying to think up of something to do, anything!

I was about to speak when his eyes wavered and I saw something pass over them. He turned around in a swift move and started running towards the street. He turned to the right as fast as his legs could carry him, heading north, heading towards the Koneko.

I rushed after him, ignoring the girl's voice directed at me "Hey! You forgot your food!"

!

My legs didn't seem to be fast enough as I was barely catching up to him with the Koneko just half a block away. Closer, closer, closer… NO!

Nagi swung the door to the flower shop wide open and stumbled inside when I was just two feet away from him. He stopped dead in his tracks.

Schuldig stood in front of the counter and I was certain he didn't believe the sight before him. "…Nagi?"

The teenager took a step forward, then another and neither Schuldig nor I seemed to be able to move. Then suddenly he rushed forward, wrapped his arms around Schuldig's waist as he hid his face in his clothes and sobbed softly.

My lover stared at his former teammate with a brotherly look in his eyes as he placed a hand on top of his head.

I just turned around and closed the door to the Koneko.


	3. Nagi

We had to hide Nagi. Too many questions to answer if one of my teammates saw him. We went up to our apartment, closing the shop ten minutes before time and sat him down on the comfortable armchair we kept for visitors. Not that we got many of those, we kept it mostly because Schuldig and I thought it was very comfortable to sit on. Especially if we both did it at the same time.

I sat down on the lover's couch right across the armchair while Schuldig opted not to sit at all. Then we told him everything. We even showed him our scars. I could sense that the teenager felt slightly uncomfortable after everything was revealed but he accepted that this was what Schuldig and I wanted and he seemed genuinely happy for us.

"What did they tell you?" Schuldig asked with curiosity.

Nagi widened his eyes a bit then he sunk deeper into his chair. "They showed us a tape."

"A tape?" Schuldig and I both asked in unison.

Nagi nodded slowly. "The team that was supposed to k…" he hesitated. "… to take care of Schuldig had to bring proof. They had a camera with them."

"What was on the tape?" I asked quickly.

Nagi took a deep breath. "You dying," he answered serenely.

"What?" Schuldig asked, finally choosing to sit down beside me.

"It showed everything; from the moment you came down to the alley, when Abyssinian stabbed you, up to the point where Balinese collapsed. That's where the tape ends. That's when the team retreated."

Schuldig and I exchanged glances, we were thinking the exact same thing. The thought of having that moment caught forever on film sent a slight chill down my spine. I looked back at the young telekinetic.

"And you didn't think there was anything odd about our reactions?" I asked after a bit.

You could practically see the red on his cheeks. "No. Not at the time though."

I smiled a bit and was about to offer a course of action to follow; but the words never left my mouth as I was interrupted by the sudden opening of the door.

"Hey guys. Kritiker just sent a warning that Schwarz is back in…Japan…" Omi's eyes widened the second he took a good look at the room. "What is he doing here?" He suddenly screamed like Nagi was some kind of alien.

I rose immediately from my spot, trying to gain control of the situation. Nagi made as if he was about to stand and run, but he stopped when he saw and heard me. "Nagi. Stay in your seat." I ordered. "Omi. You come inside and join us."

I noticed the resistance in my teammate's eyes, but as I reached him he nodded slowly and came inside letting me lock the door behind him. I brought a chair over from the small table in the kitchen and Omi settled himself on it as I went back to sit by my lover's side.

"What's going on Yohji?" Omi asked after a brief moment of silence.

Schuldig answered him. "On a moment of idiocy my dear liebling went out and got spotted by Nagi here who was smart enough to deduce I might be here too. So he ran here and saw me. We were just explaining to him what has been going on these past six months."

"And you think that is wise?" Omi asked quickly. "I mean he's…"

"I trust Nagi." Schuldig interrupted.

"And I trust you." I added as I glanced at my lover.

Omi was in a lose-lose situation and he noticed. "What are you going to do about him?"

"Let him go of course." Schuldig replied.

"You can't let him go just like that!" Omi battled as he rose from his spot. Schuldig rose too as did I. A fight was not a smart thing right now.

"…and you Yohji! You went outside? After you where ordered to…"

Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore. "Hey! I was asphyxiating in here! Not to mention starving!" Everything I had kept bottled up for these past months; I just had enough.

Schuldig joined me in my little outburst. "Exactly! We are tired of staying inside! We are always dying to get out of the house!"

"But you are allowed outside the house!" Omi bit back.

"Yeah! Once a week!" we both said at the same time.

Then out of nowhere something pushed us, and it wasn't long before all of us except Nagi ended up in a heap on the floor. With all the bickering we hadn't even noticed the teen approach us.

"I hate to interrupt, but I'm supposed to be back at headquarters in less than half an hour."

Omi stood from the floor quite quickly and as much as I would have loved to rise too, Schuldig's full weight was on me. I managed to sit up which left Schuldig in my lap. "Get off Schu, I want to get up."

He only smirked at me and as quickly as he did an image popped in my head. An image of us right there on the floor with much less clothes than we were wearing right now and doing stuff I would never do in front of an audience.

I could practically sense the red on my face. "Schu get off me now!" He didn't even move an inch.

I noticed Omi and Nagi's looks of confusion directed at us. "I really need to leave just in case." The younger teen said with a not so innocent look in his eyes. "I have to install this new firewall on the computer or Crawford will have my ass."

"How is dear old Brad?" my lover asked out of the blue.

The young telekinetic didn't seem to notice the sarcasm or the bitterness in the words. "The same." He answered quickly. "C'mon Schuldig I really need to install this new thing called 'Garde' into our network." I glanced at Schuldig for a second; neither of us had any idea of what he was talking about.

"Did you say 'Garde'?" Omi suddenly interrupted.

Nagi looked over to the other teen. "Yes. It's not even supposed to be on the market yet." He said with a bit of uncertainty.

"I have it!" Omi replied quiet excited. "It's very good. It only has this tiny bug that…"

"…that disables the multi network. That's the problem I'm trying to fix."

"Oh. I found my way around it just a few days ago. I could show you if you'd like; it'll only take five minutes tops."

Nagi smiled. "That sounds good. I still have a few minutes to spare," he replied.

Schuldig and I stared in pure astonishment as the two teens headed out the door in full chatter and closed it behind them. I looked at my lover. "What the hell just happened?" I asked.

"Instant kinship?" Schuldig offered with a smirk.

I placed my palms on the floor to support myself better and glared at him in turn. "We can't just let them go like that. They're still on opposite sides or have you forgotten?"

Another smirk and a pair of hands on my shoulders. "Maybe Tsukiyono is following your example and claiming a Schwarz for his own."

"That's not even funny." I bit back and was about to push him off when he moved faster than me and pulled our mouths together. Whatever thoughts were passing through my head vanished the second I felt his lips against mine. I instantly felt like my body got a will of its own and one of my hands traveled up under his shirt in search of more skin. Somewhere in a deep dark corner of my mind someone was screaming that this was not the time for this; but for the life of me I couldn't care any less. Schuldig's demeanor quickly became more aggressive as the promise of sex became quite evident. He always got like this and I felt his fingers playing with the buttons of my shirt.

When you live with your lover and three other people you learn to lock doors. Schuldig and I had never been caught in the act; the occasional kiss, the occasional grope, but never in the actual act. There had been close calls though… Today we could add another one.

"Hey guys! Aya says to come down to the basement for a… Oh! Not again!"

At that moment I was really glad that the only spot of visible skin was my exposed chest through my unbuttoned shirt.

"Hello KenKen. As always you have an impeccable talent for walking in at the worst possible moment." Schuldig spat at my teammate obviously disappointed that we had been interrupted. He finally removed his weight from me as he stood up and went to our bedroom without even a glance back.

{"I'm taking a shower, lover. You're welcome to join me."}

I rose from the floor as I buttoned my shirt again. Ken was very concentrated in staring at the floor. "There's a briefing in twenty minutes down in the basement. Manx wants you both down there a.s.a.p."

"We will be there." I answered, stopping beside him.

He glared up at me and I could notice the traces of embarrassment on his cheeks. "Lock your doors Yohji!" He spoke the words quite angrily as he left. I closed it behind him making a mental note not to ever leave an unlocked door again.

I sighed. Not much point fretting about what had happened; I'd just have to be more careful next time and not let my hormones get the best of me. I walked inside the bedroom and immediately wondered why I didn't hear the shower running.

{"Because I haven't gone in it."}

Schuldig's arms wrapped around me and I felt him breathe against my neck. "The offer is still up kitten, what do you say?"

I allowed myself lean back against him for a moment. "We have to be downstairs in less than twenty minutes."

I felt him smirk. "I think we have time."

I turned and kissed him; seems we were going to be a little late for the briefing.

The briefing consisted basically of what Omi had told us. That Schwarz was back in Japan. But that wasn't the worst of it; the worst was when they told us that Schuldig and I were back under house arrest for an undetermined period of time. I didn't take it as bad as I would have thought considering I had just gotten away with being seeing by a Schwarz member.

Omi and I reached an agreement. He wouldn't tell anyone I went out and got spotted as long as I didn't tell anyone that he helped Nagi with a computer program. Fine by me.

Schuldig and I headed upstairs after the briefing, tired and ready for bed. I was a little worried about my lover though. Schuldig had expressively voiced his unhappiness at being locked up in the house just this morning; and now this happens. Now we couldn't go out on Friday nights, we couldn't even work at the flower shop.

I walked into the bedroom to find him already on the bed and under the covers. I removed my own clothing and slipped into the bed beside him, molding my body to his.

That night he was silent; I didn't know what to say to him. So I just pulled him close to me and let him sleep.

We could always talk tomorrow.


	4. phone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics = thoughts {words} = mental speech

It had been a week already and not a very good one at that. Schuldig and I had barely spoken to each other ever since Schwarz returned to Japan. Which was a bad sign when you're in a relationship. A week and I still didn't know what to say to him. Whenever I tried to say something, he'd avoid the subject like a plague. I could tell he was worried, I just wasn't very sure about what. I hated it; I hated the silence between us.

One night with nothing better to do we ended up watching some television. First we were sitting on separate corners of the couch each; not speaking again and me hating it. Then I changed my position, to see what happened, resting my head on his knees; part of me wanting to be much closer than this. I allowed myself a silent sigh of relief when I felt his fingers playing with my hair. His touch soothed me and before I knew it I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I dreamt it was that night again. I saw Aya by the end of the alley, holding his katana in his hands and lunging at me and my lover with anger in his eyes. But in the dream I attacked back; swinging my wire in his direction and letting it tighten around his neck.

"Please Aya! Just let us be," I pleaded.

My teammate ignored the words; swinging his sword upwards breaking the cable and rushing forward again. I didn't have time to take more wire from my watch and stood helplessly as Aya pushed me aside and drove his katana into Schuldig's chest.

"No!"

My eyes snapped open at the image, finding myself alone on the couch and covered in sweat. I raised a hand to my face as I took a deep breath. Sometimes I dreamt of that night; of what happened, of what might have happened. In the 'what if' dreams I would either lose him or he lost me. It's as if there can never be a happy ending for us, no matter how much I want it. I sat up in the couch, rose and stopped by the kitchen sink to wash my face, then headed over to the bedroom with renewed energy.

I was tired of the nightmares. I was tired of the silent treatment. I was tired of being inside the house all the time. I was going to force Schuldig to talk about this even if it's the last thing I did.

I walked into the room and saw him sitting on the bed, staring at the window. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and one of the sleeveless t-shirts I had given him. I slammed the door shut and locked it, getting his full attention in the process.

"We are going to talk Schu," I told him.

"About what?" he asked very disinterested.

"About this past week," I told him.

"I already said I don't want to talk about it."

"Yes. And that attitude has us on non-speaking terms and I hate it," I finished, sitting down by his side. He glanced at me and I could tell how unhappy and troubled he felt right now. I leaned towards him. "Schu?"

He stood and walked to the window, gazing outwards. "Maybe I should just leave Yohji."

I froze, my energy suddenly draining. I rose from the bed and took a few paces towards him, keeping my arms at my sides. "What are you saying?"

"That maybe it would be best if we were not together anymore." The words came out of his mouth and I instantly felt a pang deep inside me. Just the idea of not having him around me hurt, it hurt so much I could barely stand it; that's how much I love him.

"Don't you dare run away now!" I spat at him. My hand extended towards him and he flinched away from me.

"I can't think of any other way Yohji! The only reason you're cooped up here is because of me!"

Anger rose inside me and my hands landed on his shoulders, pushing him back until his back hit the wall. "You think it would be better if you left? Can't you sense how that tears me up inside?" I screamed; letting tears of pure anger fall down my cheeks as I spoke the words. Then I kissed him as hard as I could, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him to me. Our lips parted and I stare into his emerald eyes. "The only way I'm letting you go is if you say you don't love me. If you tell me you hate when I kiss you, touch you, that you hate every time we make love. Only then I'll let you go." He blinked and I felt him taking a deep breath.

Suddenly his arms were around my neck and he pushed my forehead to his. I stared at him as he closed his eyes slowly. "I can't. I can't say I don't love you," he breathed out. "But if I stay I'll only put you in danger," he finished, opening his eyes again and releasing my neck as he let his arms fall down to his sides.

"You don't know that. It's been a week and nothing has happened." I said.

"But what if…"

I kissed him again, successfully hushing him. "I hate what if's." I told him.

"You had another nightmare didn't you?" he asked me suddenly, breaking away from my hold and sitting down on his side of the bed. I turned around and met his eyes, nodding slowly at his question. "Was it you or me this time?" he asked.

"You," I answered, letting my feet move towards the bed and stopping in front of him; he looked up at me. The emerald in his eyes seemed to gleam in the dim light of the room and I instantly ached for him. It reminded me how it had been a week since I felt the heat of his body against my own and I placed my hands on his shoulders, pushing him down to the bed, looming above him.

He looked surprised. "Yotan…"

I kissed him again, pressing my body to his and he kissed me back. I felt his hands trying to pull my shirt up and I helped him by getting rid of it myself.

"I thought you wanted to talk some more?" He breathed out against my lips.

I just smiled. "I think we talked enough. From now on the only thing I'll say will be your name and the only thing you'll scream will be mine."

I dreamt again.

But this time it was new… Different. I stood in the middle of an empty room. Schuldig stood in front of me; his emerald eyes showing a malice I haven't seen in more than half a year.

"Kätzchen." He purred, leaning against my neck and kissing it. I wrapped my arms around him out of instinct, pressing the side of my face against his, just content to feel the rhythm of his heart. His voice was just above a whisper.

"Do you want to die?"

I woke in our bed; the sheets the only thing covering my body. I cursed under my breath at my brain for giving me these weird dreams and stood up, finding my boxers among a heap of clothes on the floor.

"Schuldig?" I asked, walking toward the living room and kitchen just to find them as empty as the bedroom. My lover never liked to go downstairs without me unless he was either really hungry or in a wanting-to-annoy-my-teammates-mood. I doubted it was the latter, so I got instantly worried, remembering what he had said last night about leaving. I put on the first shirt I saw and quickly left the apartment, rushing downstairs towards the main kitchen area. Empty. I went down the spiral staircase to the briefing room down in the basement to find it desolated also. He wouldn't be at any of my teammates' apartments; that meant the only place he could still be was the Koneko which was out of bounds for us. I ran to the shop and my heart jumped to my throat when at first glance I saw it empty too.

"Schuldig!" I finally screamed, not knowing what else to do.

The door to the storage room opened and he walked out in the best mood I had seen him since Schwarz's return.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as my heart returned to its normal rhythm.

"I got bored," he said.

"But we are not supposed to be in the shop anymore," I reminded him.

"The shop is closed, nobody's here except you and me, I don't think anyone would mind." He replied with half a smirk on his face.

I shrugged, he was right. "Just make sure you're out of here before anyone comes back."

"Yeah, yeah."

I frowned at the reaction and opened my mouth to retaliate when the phone rang.

Schuldig picked it up. For some reason he liked to take the shop's incoming calls, he said he found it entertaining. "Koneko no Sume Ie. We have boys or flowers – which do you want?"

Sometimes it was obvious why he found it entertaining. I watched as he listened, and little by little the cheerfulness on his face disappeared until it morphed into a slight despair.

"What do you want?" he suddenly asked angrily at whomever was on the other line.

"Who is it Schu?" I asked, unable to control myself.

His body suddenly reflected the despair his face showed and he glanced at me for a second. "If you so much as touch him I will make your life a living hell." He spat with venom in his voice. Schuldig's despair turned into full-blown anger. "You fucking bastard!" he screamed out loud to the phone's speaker. "I'm telling you! One hand on him and you will never know what peace is! You asshole!"

I saw the scene unfold and suddenly had enough. "Give me the phone Schuldig" I said, trying to keep my voice down so the person on the line couldn't hear me.

"Just leave us the hell alone!" Schuldig screamed again, banging the phone once against the counter. I lunged at him, taking the phone away from his grasp.

"Who's there?" I asked hastily, only to be greeted by a dead line. I hung up the receiver and turned my jade eyes to my lover. "Who was it, Schu?" I asked him. He had a mix of anger and despair all over his face. "Who did you just talk to?" I asked again more desperately, gripping his shoulders and forcing him to look at me.

"They know I'm here." He finally said.

"They know we're here."


	5. shatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics = thoughts

I tossed the phone aside and stared hard at Schuldig.

"Who knows we're here?" I asked.

His eyes glimmered with panic. "Esset…"

"How did they found out?"

"I don't know!"

I grabbed his shoulders and looked at him. "Calm down. Let's think for a moment."

But he just shook his head, broke free from my grasp and left the shop in a run. "I can't!"

"Schuldig!" I called after him. He was faster than me, I already knew that. When I finally caught up with him he was already in our bedroom. He had an open suitcase on the bed and he was switching back and forth from the closet to it as he threw his stuff in it. "What are you doing?"

"I can't stay here, I have to leave." There was something in his voice that hinted that he wasn't running away.

"Where? Back to them?"

He glanced at me for a second then returned to packing his stuff. I moved forward and snagged his arm. "You are not going back to them!"

"I have to!" He finally admitted.

"You have to?" I asked incredulously.

"If it means keeping you safe; YES!"

"Is that what they said? They threatened me?" Schuldig averted his eyes and I knew it was true. I suddenly felt like I would burst with anger; just like that he was about to leave. For me he would leave, for me… I felt ignored, as if my feelings didn't count. So I grabbed his arm and shook him. "Look at me." I ordered and he did. "I told you before; I'm not some girlfriend you have to protect. Now tell me what they told you in that damn phone call."

Schuldig sat down on the bed; I pushed aside the half-made suitcase and sat down beside him. Then he told me. Schuldig refused to tell me who the caller had been, and for some reason I thought that he wasn't even sure himself. The call informed my lover that Esset knew that he was alive and well and that it would be very wise of him to return to them without a fight. That's where the threat came; either he returned of his own free will or sooner or later they would get us both and he would get to see me die slowly and painfully.

"I have to be there by midnight tonight," he finished.

For the first time in a long while I was rendered speechless, for once I didn't know what to do, how to solve this. There was only one thing I was sure of… He was mine and there was no way I was letting him go. I stood up and his eyes followed me, then I pulled the suitcase towards me and started returning his clothes back to where they belonged.

"Yotan…"

"I'll tell Aya and the others what's going on once they come back from their mission; we'll think of something." For a second I thought he was going to protest, but he just nodded and helped me finish unpacking his things.

It was well past ten when my teammates came home; and when I said teammates I meant just Omi. "Where's Ken and Aya?" I asked after we had all sat down at the small kitchen table.

Omi looked at me over his cup of coffee. "They're still tying up some loose ends from the mission; they didn't need my help so I came home early."

I glanced at Schuldig for a second; the deadline was in less than two hours; the sooner we informed them of what was going on, the higher the chances were that we could do something about it. Omi already knew about my little escaped to the restaurant and he knew about Nagi; which meant I had less to explain. I claimed my young teammate's attention once more and when I was sure he was listening I told him all I knew.

Omi stayed quiet. The silence was unbearable, but I told myself to stay put and wait and see what he thought since Schuldig and I were out of options besides running away. I didn't want to run away, not when I had a family I could count on. He suddenly rose from his chair and glanced at me and my lover. "I have to get Aya and Ken," he announced. "So we can all be here when the deadline arrives."

I nodded once, what he said made sense; it made a lot of sense. "I'll be back before midnight." He left through the door and the sudden emptiness of the house seemed to fill the air. I felt Schuldig's hand on top of mine and in his eyes I saw how afraid he truly was. It was rare that I got to see him display any emotions. He was always trying to keep his bad-guy face up. I pulled him close to me as I kissed his forehead. "C'mon" I said. "Let's make sure whomever wants to break in has a hard time doing so."

After making sure that all the windows and doors were locked and that the security alarm was on we went to our room to rest a bit. Half an hour prior to the deadline Schuldig started pacing around the room as I stayed seated on the bed's edge. Omi still hadn't returned with the others and I was getting impatient. I tried to stay calm and told myself that there was a perfectly good explanation as to why they hadn't arrived yet. When Schuldig passed me for the fiftieth time I grabbed his wrist and stopped him. "Calm down. Everything will be fine."

"I can't calm down."

"Try."

Then out of nowhere he threw himself at me, both hands at my shoulders, pinning me down to the soft mattress. He bent down and started kissing my neck. "Yohji do you love me?"

I blinked in surprise at the sudden question; he had never asked me that before. Whether it was because he could pluck from my mind exactly how I felt or whether when I told him I loved him he knew it was true; either way, he had never asked me that before. I placed a hand on his back. "Yes."

"Then let me make love to you."

I was the first to know that this was not the most appropriate time for what I saw in his eyes. But no matter how rational stopping would be, I just couldn't force myself to say no. I had no idea he felt this way. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I always took the 'active' role in our bedroom activities, not even thinking twice how he felt about it. Needless to say I felt like a moron.

"Why didn't you say something before?"

He shrugged as he gave me a soft grin and for the second time in the course of the evening, I was rendered speechless again. He continued his assault on my neck and his lips trailed up to my chin then my lips. He kissed me forcefully and possessively and all I could think of was how much I wanted to give myself to him. I moved farther in on the bed and he followed my every move. His mouth claimed mine once more and I seized strands of his hair with my hands, keeping him as close to me as I possibly could.

Then the alarm went off.

Schuldig scrambled off the bed and I followed him. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand… Ten past midnight.

"It's them!" Schuldig gasped.

"Maybe Aya or Ken tripped the alarm." I tried to rationalize.

"It's them!" He repeated with urgency.

I had a second to look at him, before I heard a crash from behind me. I turned to find a hole in my window and a small metallic ball on the floor.

"RUN!" I yelled as I grabbed Schuldig's wrist and pulled him out of the room where the small ball was surely now releasing some sort of toxic. We ran out to the hall and down the stairs; I immediately headed towards the kitchen and the backdoor. I spotted the shadows by the door instantly and retreated, heading towards the shop instead. It took just a few seconds for my eyes to get used the darkness of the Koneko since the only light came from the moon outside. I figured this was our best chance; outside the shop was a main street; which brought a wide open space, more freedom and possibly witnesses. Grabbing the sliding door's key from a cabinet on the counter, I bent down to open the lock. When I finally found my way around it the display window shattered.

Four shadows stood by the broken window; Schuldig and I stood side by side and then they launched at us. My feet suddenly left the ground and I was sent flying backwards against the wall; giving me no time to think, no time to retaliate. I was still trying to regain my footing when one of the shadows appeared suddenly in front of me. I didn't even see him move. He grabbed my throat and threw me aside like I was a rag doll. Right then I knew these weren't 'normal' people.

"Yohji!" I heard Schuldig scream. I forced myself up from the floor and ran to him. One of Esset's men already lay dead on the floor and Schuldig was trying to break free from another man and a woman who held his arms.

I slammed my entire body weight against the tall man and with one free hand Schuldig had no trouble breaking free from the female's grasp. The man I had tumbled glared at me as he slammed his fist against the side of my head. I saw stars and as I tried to regain control of my vision I heard Schuldig scream my name again.

I placed my palms on the cold floor and pushed me upwards; they were not taking him away from me; not without a fight; I would rather die first.

Dazed but still able to walk, I quickly rose just to have a hand snatch my hair, snapping my head backwards. Whoever had hold of me pushed me towards the counter and slammed my head against the hard surface.

The person; whom I knew now was the man I had knocked down; pinned me down to the counter and slammed my head once more against it probably to make sure that I was too dizzy to do anything. I cursed at the discovery that I couldn't move, that I was truly trapped; that I couldn't defend my lover. I glanced towards where I heard Schuldig cursing and saw that the remaining Esset assassins had both his arms again and that he was having trouble even struggling.

"Schu!" I yelled in desperation.

"Ahhh… Don't you think that's cute Sarryn?" The man who held me down mocked sarcastically.

"Not now David." She scolded. "We have a job to do."

The man called David shifted behind me and seconds later I felt something cold press against the back of my neck…. The barrel of a gun. Sarryn took her free hand and dug it inside one of her pockets, pulling a second gun from it and pressing it against Schuldig's neck.

"Yohji!" Schuldig screamed again and I could feel the desperation in his voice. That's when I knew that he had used his gift to kill the man on the floor; which not only left him weaker but he couldn't do it again until he rested. I struggled even more against my captor, ignoring the cold touch of the metal at my neck. I managed to get my right arm free; my captor seemingly uncaring that I had accomplished this and that was when Sarryn pulled the trigger.

"NO!"

But the shot didn't rung out, everything remained silent… A tranquilizer gun; they had tranquilizer guns. Schuldig got visibly weaker as the stuff they'd injected into his body took effect. His eyelids closed slowly and as his body slumped forward up to the point were his captors needed to hold him I heard him murmuring my name deep within the corners of my mind.

"Pick him up." Sarryn ordered to her still nameless partner and the man gathered Schuldig's unconscious form in his arms like he weighed nothing. I felt inmmensely helpless right then. They were taking him away…They were taking him away right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do nothing. But then I noticed Ken's pocket knife lying on the counter.

"How about the Weiss?" David asked Sarryn; she was obviously leading this mission. I took that second when he was distracted to grab the pocket knife from the top of the counter and driving my arm backwards digging the small blade deep into David's gut. The man screamed and instantly released me; I removed the knife and pushed him off me with enough strength to make him fall to the floor.

I rushed at the man who held Schuldig; ignoring Sarryn and that was a mistake. She kicked my feet when I was two feet away from my goal and I fell sideways; as soon as my body hit the floor she was on me holding me down. Her left hand grabbed my right and I lost my grip on the knife when she squeezed my fingers painfully. Then she pulled out the tranquilizer and didn't even hesitated as she pressed it to my neck and squeezed the trigger.

My vision got instantly blurry as the anesthetics took over my senses. The weight of Sarryn's body disappeared and when my vision got slightly better I noticed the man that held my lover was still just two feet from me. I laid my body to the side and stretched my arm; every move took everything I got; but it was worth it when I managed to touch Schuldig's arm and held it.

"Let's move." Sarryn spoke. "I used most of the dosage on the telepath, the Weiss won't be out for too long, we need to leave the area before the others arrive."

I heard some cursing; David. "The bastard stabbed me, Sarryn!"

"Stupid you for not paying attention, now let's go!"

The man who held Schuldig moved and I instantly lost my already weak hold on my lover. "No…" A kick hit me on my back and I collapsed facedown on the floor recoiling from the impact.

"Bastard" I heard David swear when he passed by me. I glanced to the side to see the three remaining Esset members leave through the already shattered window; their feet crumbling small shards of glass as they went. I tried to get up again, but my body refused to respond. I pressed my face against the cold surface as the darkness started to come over me.

I lay there on the floor, sensing the numbness claim me. I felt desperate, angry, frustrated and most of all helpless. I couldn't even move my fingers anymore.

They had done it. They had come and stolen him away from me and I had been completely unable to stop them. The darkness was stronger now and as my eyes closed I swore that I would get him back. Nothing was going to stop me from getting him back… Nothing.


	6. betrayal

I hate waking up alone.

Now more than ever. Because I know what it means. I remember.

Esset discovered that Schuldig and I were alive. They threatened us, attacked us. They took Schuldig away from me.

A deep pain buried in my chest presents itself at that thought. "Schu…" I try to sit up, resting my head against the headboard of my bed. Images flare in my mind. The moment when the Esset team kidnapped Schuldig, the mocking smiles on their faces… and how I couldn't do anything to stop them. I trace fingers across the side of my neck, feeling the remnant of the small puncture wound there.

There is a threat of desperation within me; sitting here won't solve anything. I throw my legs off the side of the bed, grunting from the small cuts and bruises all over my body.

I walk clumsily across the room and down the hall. I reach the stairs and on my first step down Aya appears at the bottom, starting on his way up. I feel a frown form on my face. He gazes at me with slight surprise in his eyes. Well, excuse me for being conscious. "Where were you?" I ask with a slight hiss. His eyes leave my face as he walks up the stairs until he's right in front of me. "Where were you last night?" I ask again, my frown morphing to an outright glare.

"We were detained," he speaks coldly. He passed me by without as much as a glance my way and starts down the hall, presumably to his room. The bitterness of his voice makes me cringe. I remember what Schuldig told me about my family resenting him, even 'hating' him. At that moment I didn't want to believe it, but what if it's true? What if Aya is happy that Schuldig is gone, when I am so miserable? I stare at Aya's back as he walks away. For that second, I hated him.

I turn and make a few clumsy steps, following him, frustration and anger seeping through my every bone. "We waited for you! I trusted you to come! We waited…" I can feel tears prickling down my face. I swipe them away, surprised by the fact that I'm crying. "They took him Aya…oh God…" My feet suddenly become worthless and I slide down to the floor, hiding my face with my hands. I hate this! I hate being this weak, when I should be strong.

I sense Aya beside me and unconsciously my hand travels to the scar on my stomach. His arm goes under my shoulder as he helps me up. "Go back to bed, Yohji. You're still not well."

"How can I rest when they took Schuldig, Aya?" I ask him, my voice dry.

He just blinks at me, his arm still under my shoulder. His answer is calm. "How can you look for him when you're not at full strength?"

I want to reply to that, but he is right. I'm still not strong enough; the tranquilizer effects are still present. I grab his arm and push it away slowly, the glare still clear on my face. "I'll rest once you explain to me why the hell you weren't there to help us."

Aya forced me to lie back on my bed. Instead of me going downstairs to listen to what they have to say, they would come to me. I didn't wait very long.

Aya is the first to walk into the room, Ken and Omi close behind him. The two teenagers have a sort of depressed look on their faces; not sad or resentful, it's something else… I just can't place it. Aya bears the same look of indifference he always has. Ken just keeps staring at the floor for periods of time, and Omi keeps taking deep sighs. Whatever I needed to know, they didn't want to say it.

"What happened last night?" I ask.

They all turn their eyes towards me, but it is Aya who speaks. "We were detained."

"You told me that already." I reply, letting a frown settle on my face. "What happened?"

Ken sighed. "We were attacked. Esset sent people to stop us."

"Are you sure it was Esset?"

"We're really sorry Yohji!" Omi suddenly bursts out. "We really tried…"

"It was Esset." Aya reassures me.

I close my eyes for a second. I understood. It wasn't their fault. I can see it in their eyes. They tried to be there. I understood.

But it still hurts.

I open my eyes again. "How long have I been out?" I ask, finally breaking the silence.

"Less than a day." Aya answers.

Good. Not even twenty four hours since the attack.

"What has Kritiker found out?"

Silence.

I blink and ask the question again. No one will even look at me. "What's wrong?" I inquire, raising my voice slightly.

Ken looks away; Omi lowers his gaze; Aya shows nothing on his face.

I blink. I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about the possible reasons for their silence. What is so hard for them to tell me? I take a long breath. "Is Schuldig dead?" I ask softly, fearing the words as they leave my mouth.

"No!" Omi quickly answers, raising his eyes again.

"We don't know," Ken corrects him. "But we don't think he's dead. Why would Esset go to so much trouble to kidnap him just to kill him?" Ken opens his mouth to say something else, but Omi gives him a glare that clearly means 'shut up.'

Their words calm me. I relax against the headboard. I feel slightly uncomfortable lying on my bed while I question my teammates, but I need to rest. I want to get my strength back. "You never answered my question."

"What question?" Omi asks; he sounds lost.

"What has Kritiker found out?"

Silence again.

I take a deep breath. The scowl on my face becomes deeper, more tense…angrier. "Why won't you answer me?" I half-yell at them. "What are you so afraid to tell me?"

"Kritiker…" Omi mumbles.

Aya suddenly steps forward, his eyes unfaltering, his voice grave. "Kritiker hasn't found out anything."

My eyes meet that violet gaze instantly, the anger still there. "Why?"

He returns my glare, his voice clear. "Kritiker won't search for Schuldig."

I rise from the bed, ignoring how weak my legs feel. "What?" I hiss right at Aya's face.

He keeps that stern look. "Kritiker won't help rescue an enemy."

I step back, letting the confusion and shock show on my face. I cover my mouth with my hand and close my eyes; repeating the words in my head over and over. Remembering.

_"They all hate me you know… or at least resent me."_

_'Kritiker won't help rescue an enemy'_

The awkwardness of my teammates - my family - becomes clear now. Kritiker: the association that took me in. I have stained my hands and soul with blood for them. This is the moment when I need their help the most, and they outright abandon me and the one I love. Schuldig was right. But I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to believe I could trust my family.

I step forward, my knees wobbling slightly at the rushed movement. "He's not an enemy!" I yell, turning my eyes on each of them. "He's been living here for more than six months!" Ken and Omi look away. "He's my lover!"

I run a hand over my face, feeling the tension build inside me. Then all of a sudden I feel as if something has hit me. My vision blurs for a second, a blinding headache beating against my skull. I walk the few steps back to my bed and fall to my knees beside it. I wrap a hand against my head trying to stop the throbbing pain in my skull. I gasp for air as everything dissolves around me: the room, Aya, Ken and Omi. There is just me and the throbbing pain. My mouth opens in a soundless scream, everything grows quiet.

Then out of nowhere it appears; like a distant light I want to hold, but no matter how far I reach out I can't touch it.

I hear the whisper of my name.

_"Yohji…help me…"_

_"Schuldig…"_

I scream as I clutch at my stomach; I feel as if my wound has reopened. The memory of that night flashes before my eyes.

The room reappears around me. I'm still on my knees by my bed. I feel someone by my side; I try to look up. My world just goes black.


	7. nightmare

I dreamt.

In my dream I am being dragged down a long white hall by two men who pull at my arms. I try everything to stop them. Refusing to move, pulling back, even biting - desperate situations call for desperate measures. The more I resist, the harder they pull. I curse at them over and over, and most of it isn't in Japanese; but no matter how hard I try I just can't break away. At the end of the hall I can see a pair of twin white doors. The closer we get to them, the more I try to escape. I don't know what is beyond those doors, but I do know that going through them is not something I want to do. I receive a blow to the back of my neck and most of my body goes numb almost instantly. The men have no trouble dragging me the rest of the way towards those white doors. Beyond them is a small room and as my vision blurs I spot a chair. They sit me on it and hold me there; I raise my sight from the floor to find a mirror. I stare at my reflection.

But the one in the mirror isn't me… it's Schuldig.

_"Yohji help me…"_

_"Schuldig…"_

The dream morphs and this time I am standing by myself in the middle of nothing. It is dark all around me, but somehow I can still see myself. Another mirror appears in front of me and in it there is an image; like footage being played right before my eyes. Through the mirror I see Schuldig and I working at the flower shop; talking, smiling, sneaking a kiss or two, happy… Then it vanishes in a cloud of smoke and in its place is the night we 'died.' My heart jumps to my throat. There is so much blood... I don't remember there being that much blood…

The image blurs again and this time I see the night I was given the order to kill him; our first night together. Schuldig's fingers trail down the line of my back and dig into my skin as I move within him. "More," he breathes in my ear. "More." It disappears like the others and another one appears in its place. The dance, our dance; the moment I decided I wanted more than just a friendship. The visions keep appearing; I watch them, remember the moment and then they blur and morph into another image.

When I stopped him from kissing me in his apartment. When I couldn't bear the thought of harming him when Ken and Omi saw him during one of our nights out. Me hiding him from Aya when we passed out at my apartment. Making our deal that night at the bar. Rescuing him when he jumped from a building. Offering him the quarter he was so insistent on taking… One by one they go by; then suddenly there it is. The moment that changed everything. Raining as if the night itself was crying. Schuldig's profile visible even through the dark, the child screaming in his arms. I raise my fingers towards the mirror and trail my fingertips along the outline of his face.

The mirror shatters.

I feel the shards of glass piercing my skin, can almost smell the blood pouring from my wounds. I scream.

I wake. I gasp for air as if I've been choking. I am sitting in my bed, the mirror gone. I can feel the sweat running down my skin and I know I am not alone. Another hand holds mine and I blink and stare at Manx's blank face.

"Nightmare?" she asks. It takes me a few seconds to register that I am in my room and unharmed. There was no mirror; there are no wounds on my skin. I nod at Manx.

"What are you doing here?" I ask as I sit up on the bed.

"Waiting for you to wake up," she answers.

I frown at her and take my hand away from hers. Ever since I woke up from the attack all I've received is bad news, bad dreams. I feel as if nobody is on my side anymore.

"I wanted to apologize for earlier." I blink. "There was a misunderstanding; they weren't supposed to tell you like that."

I stare at her, barely believing the words that are coming out of her mouth. But what bothers me most is her tone. Calm, pleasant… As if what she is saying has little importance. "Tell me like what?" I hiss. "That Esset came here and took Schuldig and that Kritiker isn't going to do shit about it?"

Manx seems startled at my outburst but I don't care what she thinks. I straighten my body and stare hard at her, my eyes narrowing. She takes a deep breath. "I'm trying to change that, Yohji, but it's not that simple…"

"It's simple to me. I'm rescuing Schuldig one way or another, Manx. There's no way around it."

"Calm yourself, Yohji," she orders. "All you've done since the attack is snap at everybody. Now calm down and let me talk. Good? Ok." She settles herself on the chair and I keep my mouth shut just to see where this is going. Her body language is off. I think I'm pretty good at reading people's faces. Something tells me I am not going to like what she is going to say. "You're still a part of Kritiker, Yohji, and I assume you like it that way."

"Yes."

"Schuldig is still part of Esset and Schwarz."

"He isn't…!"

"He is, Yohji! In Kritiker's eyes he still is. Six months of cohabitation with him does not change that."

My eyes narrow, the glare on my face clearly unfriendly. "Then why was he allowed to live here in the first place?"

Manx answers the question as if I just asked her about the weather. "Because at the time we came to an understanding that he was what you needed and Kritiker needed you, so…"

"Don't give me that crap Manx." I interrupt. "You know as well as I that he offered his aid, his powers to you and that Kritiker refused." I made sure I linked her to the association directly. "He was just a nuisance to you wasn't he? But it was ok if he stayed as long as I stayed?"

"In a way…"

I avert my eyes to the side, taking her out of my frame of view. "I don't believe it…"

"Honestly, Yohji, how long do you think his infatuation will last, how long will yours last?"

That got a reaction from me. "Infatuation?"

"You didn't honestly believe it was going to be a long-term relationship, did you?"

I gape at her. I want to spit at her, 'How dare you.' But I need to stay calm right now. I close my mouth and turn away again. "Leave, Manx," I say dryly.

"Yohji… I'm just thinking about your best interests in the long run."

When I look at her, she is looking back at me. "No, Manx, you aren't!" I yell in frustration. I need to get this out of my chest. "You don't understand, I never expected to fall in love with him, but it happened and you know what? It's pretty damn great! I know he loves me back and that feels pretty damn great too!"

She tilts her head slightly, her eyes slowly blinking. "Your right, I don't understand. How could you forget Asuka so quickly…"

Manx eyes stare at me. I almost say something rude, but I refuse to let my boiling anger get the best of me. "I still love Asuka, Manx." I say calmly. "I will always love her, but I love Schuldig too. Right now he means everything to me."

"You really don't care…" she says perplexed. "That he's your enemy; that he's Schwarz and a man."

"No, Manx, I don't care." She seems to ponder this; I know no matter how many times I tell her, she just would never get it, the thought of me loving an enemy, a man, was so beyond her that she would never understand it. I remember Schuldig once telling me the reason why my teammates were so elusive when it came to our relationship. It was because they had this 'image' of me in their heads and it was like I've changed it from one day to the next. Manx's image of me as a playboy and womanizer was imprinted deeply. "Leave, Manx. While I still ask nicely."

Her eyes narrow and she stands. She remains there looking at me; I stare back at her, trying to keep my eyes as unemotional as I can. Her eyes are angry, but she doesn't speak again before she leaves. I take a deep breath after the door closes, trying to control the anger and disappointment that I am feeling. I look around my room and feel the urge to get out of here. I set my feet on the cold floor and stand up. There is a knock on the door. "What now?" I snap, not in the mood to hear Manx's analysis anymore.

The door opens slightly and Omi peers his head through the opening. "Yohji, can I come in?"

I feel bad for snapping at him. "Sure Omi, sorry about that, I just… never mind, please come in."

He does and closes the door behind him. I notice a small box he's holding in his hand; it's wrapped like a gift. "I'm assuming that the talk with Manx didn't go very well," he spoke, closing the door after him.

"No it didn't," I huff.

"I see… So what are you going to do?"

I take a deep breath. I feel exhausted, drained and useless. Schuldig needs me and I am still here, two days later. "I want to look for him; I'm going to look for him. I can't stay here waiting for Kritiker to make up their minds. He needs me, Omi, I heard him calling me."

"He called you?"

"Yesterday when I passed out."

Omi eyes glisten with a silent knowledge. "So that's what happened…" he trails off.

I nod. "They're hurting him, I saw it. They were dragging him down a hall. It looked like a dream but I know it was him, he was showing me what they were doing to him. I need to find him, Omi."

"Did you see where he was?" he asks. That's Omi for you, always practical and one step ahead. I shake my head. "Then give me a few days, Yohji. I'll force Kritiker to help even if it's the last thing I do."

"How will you do that?"

"I might not be one of Kritiker's top people, but I'm still a Takatori, I'm going to remind them of that fact." I had to smile. "Now just stay put. Here." He offers me the box I had noticed earlier.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I was going to give it to you for your birthday, but I thought with all that's happened you might like it…or need it."

I stare at the small box with wonderment and then slowly unwrap it. "Oh, Omi…" I gasp. It's a framed picture: a picture of me and Schuldig sleeping. Probably one of those nights we had fallen asleep on the lounge couch while watching a movie. In the picture, I'm sitting on the couch, my head tilted a bit to the side, my mouth closed (me drooling would've ruined the picture). Schuldig is sprawled across the whole couch, his head on my lap as he slept, my hand twined in his red bangs. It is a beautiful picture. I trace my fingers across it, feeling immensely sad at the moment. "Thanks, Omi. I love it."

"I'm glad you like it. Just remember not to show it to anybody." I nod again. A picture of me and Schuldig; one of the first things Kritiker had forbidden when Schuldig had moved in. It is the first and only picture of us. Physical evidence of how much we love each other. It is perfect. "Now just stay here, Yohji. It's time for me to start using my influence."

I chuckle a bit as Omi leaves. I stare at the picture in my hands. I can't just stay here and wait, I just can't. I have to search for my lover. I place the picture on top of the shelf and get dressed: just a black shirt, a deep brown jacket and a pair of jeans. I take the picture in my hands, then remove it from its frame and guard it safely in one of the jacket's inner pockets. I stare at the door for a moment, a silent apology to Omi and the rest of my team on my lips. I walk to the window and open it, allowing the cold chill of the night touch me. I look around my room for a moment, thinking this could be the last time I see it. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and just leave.


	8. revelations

I end up at Schwarz's old home base. I don't know where else to look.

As I walk up to the building I notice a sign: its demolition is scheduled for tomorrow. "How ironic," I think as I jump over the security fence, keeping an eye out for security cameras. I avoid the alley like the plague. I don't think I can handle having a flashback of that night right now; just thinking about it makes my scar hurt, especially after that nightmare. I head straight into the building, and into what used to be Schuldig's room. The place is untouched. Everything is as I remember it, and before I know it I'm sitting on the bed just staring off into space. I can't help it.

I take the picture from my pocket and look at it. I tell myself not to cry, but the pain I feel is constant, right in my chest over my heart. The phrase _'you don't know what you've got until it's gone'_ rings in my ears. I remind myself that Schuldig was stolen from me and that I won't rest until he's back in my arms.

I chuckle, the sound of my voice echoing around the empty room. Schuldig would be laughing right now if he heard my 'mushy thoughts' as he calls them.

I lose track of time, then suddenly I jump when I hear a ring. My cell-phone, I had almost forgotten that I had brought it with me. I put the picture back inside my pocket and answer.

"Yohji, where are you?" Omi speaks a little frantically from the other side.

I take a deep breath and answer. "I couldn't stay there, Omitchi, I hope you understand." He starts scolding me some more, then I hear a sharp intake of breath as he calms his nerves.

"Where are you?" he asks again.

I don't have the strength to lie. "Schwarz's old home base."

"I should've known," he mumbles. "I told you to stay in your room, Yohji."

"I didn't feel like it," I bite back, losing my patience. "Is there a point to this phone call at all, Omi?"

I hear another deep breath. "I know where Schuldig is."

I jump from the bed. "What? Kritiker caved in?"

"No…" he pauses. "We need to talk in person, Yohji. Go to this address." He dictates an address and I memorize it; it's a hotel. I knew the place; it's a little bit secluded, excellent for a secret meeting. "Room 106, Yohji, half an hour." I hear a 'click' then run out of the room.

I arrive at the hotel twenty five minutes after Omi's phone call. I cross the lobby and go up the stairs two at a time. The floor seems empty and I walk calmly down the carpeted hall and stop in front of room 106. I raise my hand to knock when I hear voices. I freeze and listen. There is more than one person inside the room. I look at the door number once more, making sure is the one Omi had recited to me. It is.

The two voices talk again and I feel a sense of doubt and foreboding immediately. I think of the words: trap, deceit and mistrust. I am five minutes early to the 'meeting.' I start retreating when I hear a scream, followed by a "NONONONONO!" It's Omi's voice. I throw my body against the door without thinking twice about it, my senses on full alert.

"Omi?" I yell, then I stop and gape. Omi blinks at me from the bed he's sitting on, a surprised look on his face. Nagi is sitting beside him, there's fright in his eyes. Their shoulders are touching and there's a small laptop on the younger teen's lap.

"Yohji-kun, you're early," Omi speaks comfortably, rising from the bed. His eyes shift to their usual pleasantness and I notice that Nagi's anxious eyes follow him. I startled him—them—with my sudden entrance. Omi seems to notice this and lays a hand on Nagi's shoulder in a comforting manner. There's a silent exchange between them and the younger assassin calms, his body language relaxing.

I close the door behind me as I apologize for bursting into the room. "But what was that scream about?" I ask.

"Bad computer code," Omi offers; he knows I wouldn't understand him getting all technical. I give him a thumbs-up. It is a double bed room; Omi sits beside Nagi once more, this time putting more distance between them. I sit across from them. The rush from my bursting in the room lessens and I finally remember the reason I'm here.

"Where is Schuldig, Omi?" I ask without hesitation. "And how did you get Kritiker to find out for you?"

"Kritiker still refuses to help, Yohji," he answers softly.

"Then how…?" I start, when the answer is right in my face. "Nagi," I mutter.

Omi nods. "Nagi contacted me earlier this evening."

"Contacted?" I wonder. Then it dawns on me. "You exchanged contact info?" I yell. I calculate in my head the day Nagi saw me on the street and subsequently Schuldig: around two weeks ago. They've been in contact for half a month. Omi seems taken slightly aback by my reaction and Nagi seems smaller and more fragile than before. The kid had the defenseless act down to an art, but I knew better. I've seen him during mission, the cold and calculating appearance. I've also learned not to judge a book by its cover. But I don't know Nagi well enough to build an honest opinion about him. The only thing I have is Schuldig's word that he trusted the young telekinetic.

Nagi quickly recomposes himself and speaks. "I never knew you were so… explosive in your reactions, Balinese."

"Eh…?"

"You remind me of Schuldig," he finishes with a small smile.

I spare a glance at Omi; he is staring at Nagi with bewildered eyes. The word 'cute' comes to mind, but I know what these 'children' are capable of, so 'cute' is not the word I should be using. But looking at them, I couldn't help myself.

"Have you been seeing each other?" I blurt out before I realize it and both teens' cheeks gain a tone of pink. Then they both go, "Eh?" at the same time and turn towards me: Omi's blue eyes surprised yet confident, Nagi's slightly darker eyes a little self-conscious.

"We have been talking to each other," Omi clarifies. "Not 'seeing', as you put it."

"But you're friends now?" I just seem unable to keep my mouth shut.

The teens look at each other again; they seem to be doing that a lot. "Are we?" Omi asks Nagi.

Nagi returns the look with his dark blue orbs and I disappear from the room. I see it in their eyes, the look you get when you stare into someone's eyes and everything vanishes except you and that person. "I think we are…I would like that," he responds with another smile.

Omi returns it with one of his own. "Ok," he answers simply.

I don't say anything, partially because I'm not sure what is really going on between them, and partially because it isn't my place to butt in. Schwarz was already broken because of Schuldig's departure and now Nagi seems to be heading down the same road. I'm not really sure what it means, or if there could be a 'in-between' where everyone could be happy. I fear the consequences of this friendship and what it might do to both of them. Yet I still think there could be something special there. Love can grow out of hatred. Heh! I'm living proof. I can't recall ever hating Schuldig, not anymore at least. I probably did though. Yeah…a year ago I hated him. Then things happened and now I can't see a future where he's not in it. Every word, every touch, every look just makes my world better and makes me glad to be alive.

"I hate to interrupt you lovebirds, but I need whatever information Nagi has if I want to rescue my own lovebird," I say lightheartedly.

This startles them and Nagi types something on his laptop. "Sorry, Balinese," he says, his voice suddenly controlled as if this was a mission briefing. He types again on the small computer, "Schuldig is at a building near the docks; if I remember correctly we had an encounter there one night."

"I remember," I voice calmly, keeping my tension to a minimum. Now is the time to listen.

Nagi nods once. "I don't know what they're up to or what they're doing to him. But…" He stops, his eyes wander for a second and when he returns his gaze to me he looks like the child he truly is. "But I'm afraid of what they're doing to him. Brad… Brad said something about testing him. I don't know what he meant." He almost breaks down after that. So Nagi is really worried about Schuldig's well being.

Omi slides closer to him and puts an arm over his shoulders. "It's ok, Nagi. It'll be all right," he says in a soothing voice.

I want to believe Omi's words too, but Nagi's keep resonating in my head.

"I'm really sorry all this happened, it's all my fault," Nagi sobs suddenly.

"It isn't your fault…" I start to say, but Nagi interrupts me.

"I was the one that told Esset where Schuldig was."

I hear the words and just stop. A cold chill runs down my spine and I can see Omi is as shocked as I am by the revelation. I try to suppress my anger towards the young telekinetic, but it is impossible.

"You told?" I ask in a bitter voice, as my heart starts to race. "You told and that's why they came and took him?"

Omi slowly starts removing his arm from Nagi's shoulders; there is a slight second when I can see Nagi's eyes brimming with a silent panic. He throws himself at Omi, wrapping his arms around Omi's waist and resting his head on Omi's shoulder. "They made me…they said that…I'm so sorry, Omi."

Omi seems to hesitate, then gradually wraps his arms behind Nagi's back and speaks softly into his ear, trying to calm the telekinetic's quiet sobbing. Omi raises his head towards me, his blue eyes speaking. _"Please don't be mad at Nagi."_

I watch them hold each other and wonder how frequently they have been in contact with each other to get this close in such a short period of time. But once again it isn't my place to talk. I had fallen in love with Schuldig in less than two months after all. Not that I believed Omi and Nagi shared those sort of feelings for each other.

When Nagi's sobbing stops I stand up. "What building is Schuldig in, Nagi?" He stares at me for what seems like forever, then he swallows hard and tells me.

"You're not going there without backup, Yohji," Omi warns, still holding Nagi close to him. "I'm calling Ken and Aya." For some reason I feel nothing when my teammates' names are mentioned. Probably the result of their animosity towards me and Schuldig.

"You do that, Omitchi, and afterwards you can catch up to me," I say calmly, going for the door.

"Yohji!" Omi yells after me and starts to stand when Nagi grabs his arm, turning his blue eyes to me.

"There is a hidden duct on the third floor," Nagi says. "You'll end up in a hall, there's a camera monitoring that hall. The building is mostly empty, except for a few guards. Farfarello and Brad are also there."

I look at my watch. "It's five past nine, Omi. I'm going inside the building at ten."

"That's less than an hour, Yohji!" Omi yells.

"I trust you, Omi. You get Ken and Aya and I'll wait for you there."

I go to the door. An hour. Knowing my teammates, it is more than enough time for them to come and aid me–if they chose to do so. I need to know for myself how my family really feels about Schuldig and our relationship. This is my own test.

When I replace the warmth of the room with the chill of the night, Nagi is still holding strongly to Omi's arm.

I arrive at the docks twenty minutes after leaving the hotel. I find the building easily and inspect it quickly. I find the duct Nagi had told me about and do a check around the building, taking notice that there are no guards visible around the building. I check my watch: ten minutes till ten. I sit on the roof of the building, planning a course of action.

If Omi, Aya and Ken don't show up then I am going in alone. And a solo mission in a place like this is pretty much suicidal; I know it and my teammates know it. I hate having to make this ultimatum to them, but what other choice do I have? I need their help. I can't even delude myself into believing that I can rescue Schuldig alone.

Which runs into another problem: Nagi. I'm doing this based on the information he gave me. Nagi is still Schwarz. I still have to assume that this is a trap. Nagi's emotions seemed genuine earlier: the doubt in his eyes, his fear of being rejected, whatever affection he has for Omi. But this is the only choice I have, my only lead to where Schuldig is. My only chance to get him back. I need to believe he's here and alive. Because if he isn't…

If Schuldig is dead I don't know if I'll have the strength to go on. If they capture me, put a gun to my head and show me he's dead—if that happens I don't think I will care much if they pull the trigger.

But I believe he's alive; something tells me he is alive.

"Yohji-kun?"

I raise my head and blink softly at Omi. "Omitchi…" He is alone. I feel a knot in my throat at that. I uncurl my knees from my body and stand. "Thanks for coming, Omi," I say. "Where's Na…" Omi quickly puts a finger to his lips in a sign for me to shut my mouth.

"Don't start planning without us," Ken says as he appears from the ladder that leads up to the roof. Aya is behind him.

It is pure relief seeing my teammates there, all of them. I can't even hide the delight from my face. "You came…all of you…" Omi puts a hand on my arm.

"Shame on you, Yohji," Ken says as he gets closer. "I bet you thought we weren't coming."

"They way I've been treated recently…yes, I thought you weren't coming. But I'm glad you did. Thank you."

"We're sorry about yesterday, Yohji," Ken adds. "It's just they told us to tell you and we just didn't know how. I guess we really blew it."

"You weren't the subtlest bunch, I tell you that," I reply with a smile. Ken just nods and smiles back.

"Didn't you say you were going inside the building at ten?" Aya interrupts. I exchange a glance with Aya and nod once, instantly placing my game face on. "Yes." I answer.


	9. forget

Omi gives everyone mics. "I don't know how much time we'll be able to give you, Yohji. Are you sure you don't want any backup?"

"I'll be fine, Bombay. The more noise you make, the better."

"I still think we're doing this the wrong way."

I turn to look at Aya. Lately, it seems like he just refuses to be on my good side. "I don't have time for this, Aya. I'm not going to start a fight."

"It's just that whenever it comes to him, you don't think ahead, you just lash out." I glare, there goes my 'no fighting' idea.

"THAT'S HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!" I scream. The last of my patience vanishes before Aya's cold gaze.

"See what I mean." He rolls his eyes.

I close my mouth tightly, then open it again without even knowing what the hell I'm going to say.

"Stop it! Both of you!" Ken comes between us, a scolding look on his face that clearly means stop or face the music. "Whatever unresolved issues we have can be discussed later, when all of us are safe back at home." My eyes meet Ken's for a second and he adds, "Including Schuldig."

"That's the most sense anything's made tonight," I comment and Ken smiles, the ego boost clear on his face.

"Are we doing this or not?" Omi interrupts.

I nod once. The little scuffle between Aya and me is momentarily forgotten. The plan is simple: Aya, Ken and Omi will create a diversion while I sneak through the tunnel Nagi informed me about and get Schuldig out. If Aya and the others are forced to retreat, I have to follow suit, with or without my lover. That's the part of the plan that I don't like. It makes sense; there is a higher chance of me rescuing Schuldig if I am alive. But of course that's all in theory. Can I actually leave without him if the order is given? I pray to all that is high and mighty that it doesn't come to that.

Everyone double-checks their gear and synchronizes their watches.

"Can you hear me, Balinese?"

"Loud and clear, Bombay."

"Abyssinian, Syberian?"

"Roger."

"Ready."

Aya and Ken disappear from the rooftop using the ladder they came up on, Omi stays behind. For a few seconds I wonder why until Nagi shows up. The two teens exchange a glance but keep their faces serious. Nagi repeats once more what he said about the duct, adding some new minor details. I walk up to him, intentionally towering over him. "Is this a trap?" I ask straight out.

"Excuse me?" he says and his surprise seems genuine.

"Good enough," I answer, and walk over to the ledge of the building. When I look back Nagi still looks confused. Omi walks over to him, patting his shoulder and reassuring him with a smile. They wish me luck and I disappear toward the side of the building and into the tunnel. I reach its end quickly and stare down an empty hallway.

A few seconds later the lights go off and the fire alarm blares; that's my signal. I kick out the small gate in front of me, jumping out of the duct and into the hall. I destroy the camera in the corner and head down the hall quickly. I follow Nagi's advice and search for the stairs up to the top floor. With the devil's luck, I find the halls empty; the guards are most likely occupied with my teammates on the bottom floor. I reach an intersection at the same time that I hear footsteps. I hide in a storage closet nearby. The footsteps come closer, slowly, almost painfully so. I crack open the closet door to see who it is; my eyes widen a bit when I see the Oracle passing by. He stops and I sink back into the darkness of the closet. Nothing happens. No more sounds come from the corridor, so unless Brad Crawford learned how to fly, he is still standing in the middle of the hall.

"You know, hiding like a rat is unbecoming for a member of Weiss. And in the closet of all places, don't you think it's a little late for that?"

Every word is spoken with scorn and the pun doesn't escape me at all. I exit the closet, but keep a safe distance from the leader of Schwarz. His eyes seem either amused or bored, I can't really tell behind his glasses.

"Good choice," he says after a while. "This way, now."

He walks down the hall. I stay put. He stops and turns to face me.

"You want to see Schuldig, don't you?" He turns and continues down the hall; this time I follow. I try to make myself believe that this isn't a bad idea, that if he wanted me dead he would have tried it already. Yeah, right.

He enters a room. Schuldig's old boss is the only clue I have right now about my lover's whereabouts, so against all common sense, I go inside. The door gives access to a small hall; I cross it in just a couple of steps and end up in some sort of meeting room.

I find Crawford standing in the center of the room smiling arrogantly, a sight that is not at all reassuring. I put my fingers on my watch, keeping my distance. "Where's Schuldig?" I ask.

"He's fine," he answers. "Better than ever actually."

"Where is he?"

Crawford smirks and sits down on the nearest chair. "You can put down your weapon, I'm unharmed."

I get a firmer grip on my wire. "No thanks."

"Suit yourself."

"Where's Schu?" I ask again.

"He hates being called that, didn't he tell you?" he says. I don't answer. "Guess not. He must really like you then."

The guy is starting to piss me off. "Stop with the bullshit! Where is he?"

"He's here," he says nonchalantly. "It's going to be hard for you, and I'm not clear how it ends. But I'm actually rooting for you."

I frown, not understanding at all what he means. Before I can say another word, I feel the press of a familiar hand on my shoulder. I turn instantly and stare at Schuldig, who blinks at me with a slight grin on his face.

My heart skips a beat, and I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me. I press my cheek against his. "You're safe…"

"Kitten…"

I curl my fingers into his hair and press my lips against his cheek. The hand that was on my shoulder moves to the back of my neck. A pleasant shiver passes through my body and I pull back a little. I look at his eyes; wait, there is something wrong.

"Schu…?"

Everything happens quickly. Schuldig's grip on my neck tightens and he pulls me forward, crushing our lips together in a bruising kiss. The world melts into nothingness and all I feel is his hand on my neck, my fingers in his hair, the press of our bodies and his lips against mine. The kiss is broken just as quickly leaving me gasping for air. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him once more; after a few moments I feel his strong arms across my back and he's holding me too. It feels so good, he's here, he's real and I have him back. All I want is to stay like this, to just have him as close to me as possible. But we have to leave; my teammates' diversion won't last forever.

"Are you alright?" I ask softly.

His voice is low, barely a whisper. "I'm fine."

I spare a glance at Crawford who is still sitting quietly in his chair, not even looking at us. I wrap a hand around Schuldig's wrist.

"Let's go," I say. I start on my way to the door, trying to pull Schuldig along with me, but he remains frozen on the spot. He makes a step on the opposite direction. "What are you doing?" I snap, refusing to let go of his wrist. He stops. A soft chuckle escapes from his lips, sending a cold shiver all through my body.

He moves suddenly, and I only have a second to see the look in his eyes. The last time he looked at me like that was a year ago, when he was trying to kill me. His fingers tighten around my neck. He squeezes hard as he pushes me away from him and slams me against the nearest wall. My head and back hit the hard surface with a loud crack. The fingers press even tighter and I choke. His face hovers above mine, just inches away.

"Kätzchen…" he purrs. "Do you want to die?"


	10. hurt

Brad Crawford sits in the armchair with a hand propped under his chin and a sardonic smile on his lips. "Well, I guess I'll be leaving since I'm just a third wheel." He unfolds himself from the chair, pushes his glasses up, and with one hand in his pocket walks past where Schuldig is pressing me to the wall. I try to speak, to ask what the hell he did. But the moment I try Schuldig's fingers press against my throat and barely a gasp comes out.

Crawford closes the door behind him and I hear the click of the lock. I can't help but stare at the door, my only chance for some answers gone. I want to tell myself that this is a nightmare and that I'll wake up soon. But the pain is too real. The fingers squeezing my throat are too real. I look at Schuldig's eyes and his expression of pure loathing is too real. I need to get out of this in order to figure out what the hell is going on. Why is my lover trying to squeeze the life out of me? I struggle some more, snatch some of his hair and yank it hard. It's a dirty trick, but it works like a charm. He releases me, and I take the chance to put some distance between us.

"What's going on, Schu?" I keep my distance, even when all I want to do is touch him, hold him. Three days since they took him, three freaking days of worrying and suffering and now here he is – and he's trying to kill me.

He laughs and it sickens me to the pit of my stomach. "I can't believe Crawford was right. He told me that I just had to stay still and that you would come to me. Did you like my kiss? Did you believe me?" he taunts.

"Schu… You're not…What did they do to you?"

"Stop calling me that!" he hisses.

"Esset did something to you!"

"Why would Esset do something to one of their top assassins," he says. "Oh, you're just trying a tactic to get out aren't you?"

"No! They did something to you when they kidnapped you three days ago!"

Schuldig saunters around me. "Three days ago? What are you talking about, kitten. I've been living here for almost a year now."

Everything clicks into place. I finally realize what happened. He doesn't know, he doesn't remember. Esset – those fucking bastards. They made him forget. "No, Schu- Schuldig. You've been living with me, with Weiss. Remember, you have to remember!" He looks at me oddly. I stop and take a deep breath. What should I say or do to make him remember? How do you convince someone you're in love with them when they detest you? I look at the door.

"Don't bother. Once it's locked it can only be open from the outside."

"What happens now?" I ask.

He lets out a laugh that sends shivers down my spine and I hold my breath. The smirk never leaves his face. "Now…" He comes closer and whispers in my ear, "I get to have fun."

I bite my lower lip, he is so close. "Schu please," my fist wraps around his jacket, "please…"

I feel when his body moves, there's nothing trusting about it, about him. Nothing of the man that I've come to know. So I just ask him. "Are you going to kill me?"

"Why are you here?" he whispers and moves again, grabbing my shoulders with his hands. "Just to get killed…"

It is not a question. I want to say, "I came to get my lover back." But the truth stays in my thoughts as I feel the pressing of his fingers on my shoulders, pushing me back.

"A little bird told me you came to get me." I know he is playing with me, but I don't care. The words didn't surprise me. It's better if he already knows.

"Yes." I look straight into his face. "We are lovers."

He stops for a second, then makes a face. His fingers press against the skin on my shoulders; I feel his anger through them. I can see it, feel it by the way his body shakes slightly. It's a reaction of someone who has just been told something they don't want to hear. "Rubbish," he says, and pushes me away from him with such force that I almost loose my footing.

"Schuldig please…"

I don't see him move. I just feel the brunt of his fist when he hits me. "Don't call me that!" he hisses again. "You don't know me!" He lands another hard blow on the side of my face that sends me flying. I land awkwardly against a large wooden table and can practically hear one of my ribs cracking. My first instinct is to clutch at my side to ease some of the pain, but that turns out to be a mistake. Schuldig is suddenly on me, grabbing my shoulders and dragging me across the floor. The pain in my side worsens, and by the time he forces me up to a standing position it's just unbearable.

"Fight back!" Schuldig yells into my face. "Or maybe you don't want to fight, maybe you want something else." He grins and his hand goes under my shirt and up and across my chest. I gasp and push his hand away. "Ohh, touchy are we?" he laughs. His fingers grasp my chin painfully and he plants a kiss on my lips. "I thought you said we were lovers."

"You are not my lover!" I hiss the words instantly without prior thought, and when Schuldig touches me again I recoil from it. "Don't!"

I take a deep breath. I don't know what to do. Is there a way to bring him back short of giving him a concussion to see if his brain reboots? But I can't bring myself to hurt him. Not when I know that in reality he would never do this. I feel his warm breath on my face and meet his eyes. "I love you," I blurt out, running out of ideas. I gaze into pools of blue and he flinches for a second, seemingly confused. "So much…I…" I run my hands across his face and he doesn't pull back, so I lean forward and kiss him. I kiss him like I always do and before I know it he's kissing me back. We kiss long and hard, and deep inside I hope this is it, that somewhere in his memory he remembers this. His arms fold around me, raising that hope inside me. He presses me into him and I do the same, taking a sharp breath before the kiss deepens. I feel it; the heat rolls between us in waves and I give myself to it. I know he feels it too by the familiar way his arms hold me, by the way he responds to my touch. But suddenly he bites down on my lower lip hard and breaks the kiss off. He gasps and turns away from me, putting some space between us.

I gasp for air. I feel weak in the knees and need to support myself with the wall behind me. I notice Schuldig's breathing is similar to mine. Whatever just happened, it was more than mere lust. It was more like a memory. I stay by the wall and he keeps his distance. I stare at his back, the tension from his body almost tangible. Something clicked, I just know it did. "Do you believe me now?"

He freezes, then makes a sudden movement and kicks a table nearby with force. "Fuck!" His next move is rushed, a blur before my eyes. Suddenly he's right in front of me, angry, confused, glaring daggers at me. A silver switchblade is in his hand. He is gripping it in his fist so hard that I'm sure it hurts. I open my mouth to speak. "Sch…" He moves in a blur once more and raises the weapon. I feel the cold, sharp touch of its blade at my neck. My back is pressed against the wall, I have nowhere to go.

"Die..." I hear him whisper. "Just go away…"

I look up and meet his gaze. He stares at me. There's an unknown pain on his face. That kiss before confused him, threw him off guard. It's as if he doesn't want to remember.

"Schu…" I say, in a pained voice.

His body trembles at that. "Stop it…I can't take it."

Silence. I close my eyes. My hands reach out and close around his jacket. He pushes the dagger more. "Please…"

_Remember me._

I've heard of dying for the one you love; it's all over sappy romance novels. But I can't remember a single instance where the one that wants you dead is your own lover.

"I love you, Schuldig." I barely whisper, and wait.


	11. scar

It feels like forever. These few seconds.

My hands grip Schuldig's jacket tightly and I close my eyes. The switchblade presses against my throat so hard that I can't even speak. I wait. Wait for death by my lover's hand. When I came here to look for him, this was the last thing I expected. It hadn't even crossed my mind. Schuldig forgetting. Forgetting everything we went through. Forgetting how we fell in love. Forgetting me.

_"I love you."_

_Please wait…_

"Goddammit!"

Schuldig moves quickly. The switchblade makes an awful noise as it slides across the floor.

I open my eyes. The expression on Schuldig's face is unreadable. My hands tighten even more around his clothes.

"Schuldig?"

"I can't-" he murmurs and leans forward until our foreheads touch. "Why can't I kill you?"

"I…" What should I say? His skin is so warm, his eyes lost. I open my hands, releasing his jacket, and slowly wrap my arms around his waist. "Once, you told me it didn't matter what they thought. Even if we were suppose to hate each other, it didn't matter."

"I would never say something so cheesy."

I smile and resist the urge to pull him close. He needs to know more. But what? He's stubborn enough to reject my memories as figments of my imagination even when he knows better. I need to show him, something he can see and touch, something he can't reject, something that's just about us.

I lean forward and let my cheek gently graze his. "You have a scar," I whisper softly. "On the left side of your stomach. It's a thin line yet still visible. Here…" I say and touch the spot where the scar is. Schuldig stares at it for a moment before gazing up to meet my eyes again. "I have the same mark."

Schuldig turns his head towards me and blinks. "Show me," he says.

I do. I pull my shirt up and expose the bit of imperfect skin, waiting for some kind of reaction but getting none. I turn around and show the matching mark on my back. Schuldig's fingers linger as they trace the scar slowly.

"A sword," he finally says.

"Yes," I answer. "A katana."

His fingers poke gently, pushing, discovering. "I want to know." I barely hear his whisper before I feel the prick of his power inside my head. I know he's searching for the particular memory and I bring it forward. Schuldig heightens it and I can almost feel it as if it is all happening again. How I wouldn't let go of him, the warmth of his body, how he felt in my arms. Droplets of blood falling, soaking the floor, and how much it hurt when I thought he had died.

I face Schuldig and can almost read the look on his eyes. A mixture of confusion and anger.

"I can't..." he mutters and shakes his head.

"Schu-" I reach out to touch his face, but he moves away, avoiding my touch. "Schuldig, please." I try again, leaning in close for him to see me. But he keeps his gaze away, swats my hands away.

"I can't do this."

"Look at me, Schuldig."

He stops for a moment and I finally run my fingers across his face and tilt his head up so that our eyes meet. "I love you."

He glares and slams his fist against the wall, startling me. "I've been ordered to kill you," he says angrily, leaning closer. "If I don't do it they'll get rid of me." His mouth hovers above mine and I take the next step. I pull him to me, closing that last space. This kiss is not like the last one. There's nothing frantic about it; this time it's slow and hungry. Different and familiar. He wants to remember. I pull him closer still, deepening the kiss. "Schuldig," I breathe.

I see his throat tightening and he chokes something back. I quickly realize what it is and run my fingers across his face. "Say my name, Schuldig. Please."

He pauses and matches my gaze. I briefly kiss him again and he opens his mouth, but suddenly his face twists and he grabs my shoulders and shoves me back. I blink, sure that the brief moment of panic shows in my eyes.

"They're coming," he says and moves away. My eyes turn to the switchblade on the floor, but he steps over it, ignoring it. He crosses the room and clicks at something near the opposite wall. The wall opens, swiftly moving aside to reveal a hidden passageway. So that's how he got into the room. "Go!" he yells at me. My legs remain frozen on the spot, as I try to think. Before I can realize what's happening he's back at my side, pulling at my arm, pulling me forward towards the passageway. "Hurry! Leave!"

"What about you?" I turn to face him. "Come with me. We'll get your memory back-"

"No!" He cuts me off. "I have to stay here. I need to figure out what's going on."

No… "I can't leave you! Please come with me, I'll help you! Even if you don't believe me, please trust me, I can show you-"

"I believe you."

"Schuldig…"

"It'll be all right, I'll just tell them you double crossed me."

"Schu…"

"Go!" He grabs my arm again and pushes me toward the passageway so hard that I stumble, landing face down on the floor. I hear the screeching of the wall's system and turn to find it closed.

"Schuldig! Open up! I won't leave you here, Schuldig!"

_"Follow the passage, there's a window in the next room. Just go! They will hear you if you stay."_

_"I won't leave without you!"_

_"Please, Yohji. Please."_

I groan deep in my throat and bang my fist against the wall. "Look for me. I'll wait. If you don't come I'll return for you." I force myself to step back, turn around and run. "Please look for me."

The window opens easily with just one push; I wait for an answer. Come find me. But none comes as I throw my wire to a post across the street and jump.


End file.
